People frequently ask introverts certain questions that annoy them. Although they may not outwardly show their irritation, they cringe when the following questions are asked:
- “Are you lonely?”
Assuming a person is lonely just because they are alone many times is a false assumption. Alone is a state of being. Lonely is a negative emotional state. Most people who experience loneliness have feelings of sadness, emptiness, or disconnectedness. Loneliness implies the person has little or no support of friends or people in their life. This cannot be further from the truth with introverts! When I was a young adult and about to move out into my first apartment, when people found out I was not going to have a roommate, they would say, “Aren’t you going to get lonely?” Instead, I was delighted to have my own apartment. My own space, with the ability to be alone whenever I wanted!
- “Are you busy next week/tonight, etc.?”
This is a loaded question. When you ask an introvert this question they don’t know how to answer, because they know there is probably a reason why you are asking the questions, but they don’t know the reason. Do you want to ask the introvert to do you a favor if they are not busy? Do you want to invite them somewhere? Because if the introvert says, “no I’m free” then they don’t have a built-in excuse if they don’t want to accept your invitation or request. Instead, ask the introvert what you want to ask before asking them if they are busy.
- “Why are you so quiet?”
For some reason many people think this is an acceptable question to ask quiet people. However, if someone asked, “why are you so loud” or “why are you so talkative” it would be considered rude. While extroverts think by expressing themselves outwardly, introverts think by inwardly thinking, reflecting, and observing. They are usually quiet unless there is something to say.
- “Are you mad/upset/is something wrong?”
People sometimes ask this question because the introvert is quiet and not saying anything. As I described above, they are inwardly thinking, reflecting, observing. Also, it is common to wonder if an introvert is mad or displeased with something or someone because of their facial expression. Many introverts have a “thinking face” which can appear negative. Introverts should be aware of how they are perceived if they tend to have a negative expression when they are thinking. I recommend that they part their lips and relax their jaw to soften their facial expression.
Are you an introvert who is annoyed with certain questions? If so, please share what questions those are and the reason why you find them annoying in the comments below, so that we can all learn from each other.