Was it really an honest mistake—or was it a bad choice? That’s the question I’m unpacking today, because understanding the difference between the two can change how we grow, how we take responsibility, and how others perceive our integrity. Yes, we all make mistakes. But sometimes, what we label as a “mistake” was actually a conscious decision—a choice we made, perhaps hastily or carelessly, but a choice, nonetheless.

Let’s clarify the difference. Here’s a simple filter to use:

• A mistake happens when you’re ignorant of the outcome or the relevant information. You didn’t know any better. You lacked the knowledge going in.
• A choice, on the other hand, is made when you do have knowledge—even if it’s just a little. You might not have taken the time to think through the consequences, or maybe you opted for convenience or acted impulsively. But still, you had enough understanding to know better.

Knowing the difference matters. Here are two key reasons why:

1. Integrity: To Others and to Yourself

If you tell others, “I made a mistake,” but you know deep down that you weren’t ignorant—that you actually had some level of understanding—then you’re not being honest. You may not be lying outright, but you’re giving a version of the story that avoids full accountability.

Over time, this erodes trust. People start to see you as someone who dodges responsibility. And just as important, you stop being truthful to yourself. When you consistently downplay your role in your decisions, you stop growing.

One of my favorite pieces of advice comes from my husband: “Just fall on your sword.” In other words, if you made a bad choice, own it. Admit it. People will respect you more when you do, and you’ll respect yourself more, too.

Now, this doesn’t mean you get a free pass to keep making bad choices as long as you admit them. Owning your choice doesn’t exempt you from consequences—but it does make you more powerful. Why? Because owning a choice means you can choose differently next time.

Lauren Conrad said it well:

“You never make the same mistake twice. The second time you make it, it’s no longer a mistake. It’s a choice.”

2. Taking Back Your Power

There’s another reason this distinction matters: to avoid feeling stuck.

Let’s say you took a job you were really excited about. You didn’t know certain parts of it would drain you or feel misaligned with your strengths. That initial decision could be called a mistake—you didn’t have the full picture. But if you stay in that job after realizing all of this? That’s no longer a mistake. That’s a choice.

When you recognize your role in staying, you reclaim your agency. You acknowledge, “This isn’t ideal—but I’m choosing it, and that means I can choose something else.” That shift in mindset is empowering.

What Can You Do?

Start by reflecting on your own language:

• Are you using the word “mistake” as a soft landing for what was really a decision?
• Are you calling things mistakes just to avoid the discomfort of accountability?

And just as importantly—challenge the people in your life who matter to you. When someone close to you keeps calling something a mistake, gently ask: “Was it really a mistake, or was it a choice?”

That one question can open the door to deeper honesty and personal growth.