Body language is powerful. It helps us communicate without words—but it’s also often misunderstood. In this post, I want to walk you through six commonly misread body language signals, and I’m writing this for two key reasons:
- So that you can better understand what might actually be going on behind these signals—especially if you’ve misinterpreted them before.
- So that you become more aware of how you might be misunderstood when displaying them yourself.
Let’s dive in.
1. Negative Facial Expressions
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, “Wow, they look irritated, bored, or totally disinterested”?
It’s a common assumption—but often, it’s incorrect.
Here are a few possibilities behind that expression:
- It might be their thinking face. They’re concentrating, not bored.
- It could be a response to discomfort, like walking into a room full of strangers.
- For some, it’s just their resting facial expression—not a reflection of how they feel.
I’ve made this mistake myself. At a recent keynote, someone in the front row looked miserable the whole time. I kept noticing it throughout my talk. Afterward? She was one of the first to approach me and tell me how much she enjoyed it.
Takeaway: That “negative” expression might have nothing to do with you. Don’t assume.
2. Smiling Doesn’t Always Mean Attraction
People often ask me, “This person smiled at me—does that mean they like me?”
Here’s the truth:
Smiles are often just a friendly gesture. Some people smile at nearly everyone—it’s part of how they show warmth.
Even a genuine smile (like a Duchenne smile) doesn’t necessarily mean romantic interest. If you’re curious about different types of smiles and their meanings, I’ve got a whole video on that [linked here].
Takeaway: A smile is usually just kindness. Don’t automatically read deeper into it.
3. The Wink: Not Always Flirty
Winks can mean all sorts of things—and culture plays a huge role here.
In the American context, a wink might mean:
- Flirtation
- Encouragement
- A shared joke
- Just playful friendliness
Assuming a wink always means romantic interest can lead to major misinterpretations.
Takeaway: Context is everything. Don’t over-interpret a wink.
4. Crossed Arms = Defensive? Not Always.
Crossed arms are probably one of the most misunderstood body language signs out there.
Yes, sometimes it signals being closed off.
But here are other reasons someone might cross their arms:
- They’re cold.
- They’re feeling unsure or self-conscious.
- It’s a way of comforting themselves—a kind of self-hug.
Interestingly, research also shows that people often think more deeply when their arms are crossed. It activates both hemispheres of the brain and can help with decision-making.
Takeaway: Don’t jump to “defensive.” They might just be thinking—or chilly.
5. Breaking Eye Contact
We tend to think breaking eye contact means someone is:
- Uncomfortable
- Insecure
- Hiding something
But breaking eye contact is totally normal, even healthy, in conversation. Maintaining constant eye contact can feel intense or unnatural.
Also, when someone looks away, they might be trying to focus or think more clearly—research backs this up.
If eye contact is something you’re working on, I have a video about how to break eye contact with confidence [linked here].
Takeaway: Eye contact isn’t everything. Let people look away to think.
6. Fidgeting Isn’t Always About You
Fidgeting is often seen as a sign that someone is nervous or uncomfortable—especially in response to something you said.
But here’s the truth:
- They might be distracted by something entirely unrelated.
- They could be anxious about something else going on in their life.
- Fidgeting might simply be a self-soothing behavior—a way to calm their nerves.
Takeaway: Don’t assume their fidgeting is a direct response to you. It might not be personal at all.
Final Thoughts: Look for Patterns, Not One-Offs
It’s easy to jump to conclusions. I still do it, too! But I must remind myself to slow down and consider the bigger picture.
Rather than react to a single expression or gesture:
- Look for patterns in behavior.
- Ask yourself: Did their body language shift along with the topic? If yes, maybe there’s something going on.
- Stay present in the conversation. Don’t become so focused on “reading” the other person that you stop truly connecting.
Body language is helpful—but it’s not the whole story. Give people (and yourself) some grace when interpreting those subtle, silent signals.