I want to talk about two terms that often get used interchangeably — self-confidence and self-esteem. You’ve probably heard people talk about them as if they mean the same thing. Honestly, I’ve done that myself before!
But in reality, they are quite different — and understanding the difference can truly change how you see yourself. So, let’s break it down and answer the big question:
If you could only have one, which is better — self-confidence or self-esteem?
What Is Self-Confidence?
Self-confidence is your belief in your ability to do something, accomplish something, or achieve something.
It’s how much you believe in your skills, your competence, and your capabilities — the external things you do.
For example, maybe you’re confident in your ability to speak in public, cook a great meal, or solve problems at work. That’s self-confidence.
What Is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem, on the other hand, is your belief in yourself — not what you do, but who you are.
It’s your sense of self-worth and value as a person. It’s internal, not external.
Can You Have High Self-Esteem but Low Self-Confidence?
Absolutely.
Let’s say you’re trying something new — maybe you’ve never done it before, or you’re not particularly good at it yet. You might not feel very confident in your ability to succeed.
But even so, you can still have high self-esteem — meaning you still value yourself as a person, even if you fail. You believe that your worth doesn’t depend on whether or not you succeed at this one thing.
That’s a healthy mindset.
Can You Have Low Self-Esteem but High Self-Confidence?
Yes — and this one is more common than you might think.
This happens when you’re really good at something, but you don’t value yourself as a person. Maybe you receive praise, good grades, or positive reviews — so you feel confident in your abilities.
But deep down, you still don’t feel good about yourself. You’re relying on external validation — other people’s opinions or achievements — to measure your worth.
That’s how I used to be.
There were certain things I was good at, and I was confident in those areas. But when it came to how I valued myself, my self-esteem was actually quite low. I constantly sought approval from others. My sense of worth depended entirely on how well I was doing or how others viewed me.
Why Self-Esteem Matters More
Here’s the truth:
High self-esteem is far more important than high self-confidence.
Because if your self-worth depends on external success, it will always be fragile.
John Maxwell once said,
“You must see value in yourself to grow yourself.”
If you don’t see your own value, your confidence will always have a ceiling. You might achieve great things, but deep down, you’ll still struggle to believe you’re enough.
How to Build Self-Esteem
In John Maxwell’s book The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth, he talks about The Law of the Mirror — the idea that you must see value in yourself before you can add value to yourself.
One of his exercises is simple but powerful:
Make a list of your personal qualities — not your achievements, but the traits that make you who you are.
List the things that are uniquely you — your kindness, curiosity, creativity, compassion, or resilience.
I made that list over 13 years ago, and I still keep it today.
If you have high self-esteem, you’ll find this exercise easy. But if you struggle with low self-esteem, it might feel difficult — and that’s okay. The more you practice recognizing your worth, the stronger your self-esteem will grow.
So, if you take one thing away from this today, let it be this:
Confidence is about what you do. Self-esteem is about who you are.
And who you are matters far more than what you achieve.
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